Parents will be delighted to hear we won’t need any firewood this year, as the Headmaster has acquired several thousand copies of a highly inflammable book written by one of the school’s benefactors, Lord Ashcroft, entitled Call Me Bitter which the Headmaster is looking forward to burning.
There will be an effigy on top, of the most famous traitor in history, who was caught red-handed trying to destroy his leader by blowing everything up out of all proportion.
The Headmaster will lead the school in singing the old song ‘Remember, remember the 21st of September, Book Full of Treason and Rot’.
There will be no fireworks, because the Headmaster is so chillaxed about this unforgivable display of treachery.
And despite the requests from members of Cook Soc, there will be no hog-roast.