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A Message From The Headmaster
Issue 1388
dave.jpg Hello!

It’s been a while now since I gave my absolute final word about appearing at the Debating Society and speaking on the motion, “This House Believes That Someone Else Should Be Headmaster”.

I’ve offered a number of dates for this, including February 31st and May 8th, so no one can accuse me of chickening out or running scared. In fact, I think it’s time we had a debate about whether we should have the debate and I’ve put this to Deb Soc, who are no doubt debating it at this moment. I can’t unfortunately join in that debate, as I’ll be too busy carrying out important school business, such as explaining why I’m not appearing in the other debate.

Of course, other more desperate wannabe Headmasters have agreed to take part, including Mr Fruitcake from the Farage Stall, Mrs Green (if she can remember what day it is), Ms Sturgeon (who’s keen to take part remotely from the Isle of Skype), and of course temporary assistant supply teacher Mr Miliband, who keeps saying “Anytime, anyplace, anywhere” like a man who’s clearly drunk too much Martini (good “working class drink” reference, Ed!). Oh dear, I seem to have forgotten Mr Clegg – easily done! He still thinks debating is one of his strong points. To be fair it is, which sadly doesn’t say much for the rest of his skillset. Anyway, surely we should be devoting our energies to more important issues, which is why I would like to move on to the subject of my friend Mr Clarkson from the local garage…

D.C.

To read more letters from the Headmaster (and of course, the Deputy Head), please buy the latest edition of Private Eye - or subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale:
31st March 2015.
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For all these stories you can buy the magazine or subscribe here and get delivery direct to your home every fortnight.
Next issue on sale: 31st March 2015.

Private Eye Issue 1387
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