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‘Big Bad’ Wolff tries to blow down Donald Pig’s White House – Nursery Times Exclusive… Trump tells lawyers to close stable doors and sue horse… New ‘Doctor, Doctor’ jokes for 2018… China Daily reveals secret inner workings of top BBC management… Iran Crisis – moderate Rouhani steps in with threat to hang everyone… Today presenter John Humphrys to be guest prince… Sir Richard Branson’s Diary, as told to Craig Brown

And also...

- Old Pals’ Act: Lord Gnome’s New Year Dis-Honours 2018
- Talking eugenics: How Toby Young bred so much contempt
- Piloti, RIP: Gavin Stamp, the Eye’s architecture correspondent, remembered

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Private Eye Issue 1460