Private Eye Mediaballs

Issue 1638

"6-0 doesn't necessarily reflect the scoreline"

BBC2

"Mo Salah has scored a number of goals for you already this season – I think there's no underestimating his importance"

Sky Sports News

"Never in a day of Sundays did I think I'd be called a doctor"

C4

"And his birthday was in October. It's always been in October"

TalkSport

"If I didn't have to speak, I would be speechless"

Sky Sports

gnitty
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In This Issue

Confused mob burns down Greggs… Farmer protests ruined by Mr Toad… Britain's most scenic sewerage treatment works revealed… Labour in assisted dialling turmoil… Ceasefire paves way for 'sustained period of war'… Conspiracy update: Jaguar advert special… Rich nations promise to pretend to pay £240bn… Anniversary of Christmas charity event marred by criticism… Jordan Peterson's Biblical A-Z, as told to Craig Brown

Missed penalty
The UK is failing to sanction Putin's looting machine

Lip service
Labour's NHS reform is in the hands of fans of outsourcing

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The Telegraph's latest fact-free "news" blitz

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