"Ilias Chair is injured and will sit this one out"
ALEX CROOK, Talksport

"Saffron is one of those things you either love or hate. I'm middle ground on it, to be honest"
RICHARD BAINBRIDGE, BBC1

"He's not only fast, but he's got electric pace!"
STEVEN NAISMITH, BBC2

"The second half was not just a complete turnaround, it was a complete volte-face"
PAT NEVIN, Radio 5 Live

"Blair Kinghorn spread those long legs of his and absolutely gassed everyone"
BENJAMIN KAYSER, ITV1

Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.