Issue 1640
"They have old shoulders on their heads”
JAMES GREGG, Radio 5 Live
"How has Gabriel missed that? That's easier to miss than it is to score!”
ALAN SHEARER, Amazon Prime
"If you're in the air, you've left the ground”
JOE HART, Radio 5 live
"Those [Newcastle] supporters who have made the long journey north are having an excellent afternoon here in Suffolk”
TOM GAYLE, BBC1
"You could almost cut the electricity here in the arena”
DARREN FLETCHER, TNT Sports
JAMES GREGG, Radio 5 Live
"How has Gabriel missed that? That's easier to miss than it is to score!”
ALAN SHEARER, Amazon Prime
"If you're in the air, you've left the ground”
JOE HART, Radio 5 live
"Those [Newcastle] supporters who have made the long journey north are having an excellent afternoon here in Suffolk”
TOM GAYLE, BBC1
"You could almost cut the electricity here in the arena”
DARREN FLETCHER, TNT Sports
Please email your entries to balls@private-eye.co.uk. £10 paid for submissions printed in the magazine.