The Totally Secure Prime Minister’s WhatsApp Group
Members Only, Issue 1633
PM's WhatsApp Group
Right, as we go up to Liverpool, I want us to concentrate on the important issues rather than gossip and tittle-tattle about what I’m wearing and who paid for it.
Angela Rayner
Yes, everyone should put a sock in it!
Waheed Alli
Socks? Who wants socks? Egyptian cotton? Designer footwear?
Lord Alli has been removed from the group and his Number Ten pass withdrawn.
Morgan McSweeney
The boss is right. No more talk about freebies. The optics are terrible.
Waheed Alli
Optics? Anyone need glasses?
Lord Alli of Baba has again been removed from the group and his new Number Ten pass put in the office’s new shredder, kindly donated by Lord Alli.
Wes Streeting
Let’s be honest, PM, it is a bit of a problem.
I can’t see it.
Waheed Alli
What do you need? Varifocals? Bifocals? Tinted?
Lord Alli has yet again been removed from the group and his latest new Number Ten pass has been put in the new office incinerator, kindly donated by a former television executive.
To read all of the PM's highly confidential Whatsapp Group Chat, buy the latest edition of Private Eye - you can subscribe here and have the magazine delivered to your home every fortnight.

Next issue on sale: 9th October 2024
gnitty
MORE TOP STORIES ONLINE
Cheer leaders
Cheer leaders
Behind the scenes at the DNC
News, Issue 1631
Better picture
Better picture
ITV court gambling advertisers
Media News, Issue 1632
Free for all?
Free for all?
The Spectator's confusion over freedom of speech
Street Of Shame, Issue 1631
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
ONLY IN THE MAGAZINE
Private Eye Issue 1633
In This Issue
Nursery Times: Lord Alli Baba scandal... Putin threatens World War 3 unless he is allowed to carry on with World Special Military Operation 3... Sally Rooney Bingo... How to avoid Labour stealing all your money on Budget day... Lines on the demise of the Evening Standard... What unlikely job will Baroness Owen be given next? ... Israel denies it carried out major attack it clearly carried out... Mossad Mart product recall... Who should be the next Prince Andrew? asks James Bond

Sally forth
Rooneymania grips the Times

Western front
Somerset's job-juggling new MP

Free booze
Labour's lobbyist-funded conference parties

Read these stories and much more - only in the magazine. Subscribe here to get delivery direct to your home and never miss an issue!
ONLY £2.99
SUBSCRIBE HERE
NEXT ISSUE ON SALE
9th October 2024
WHY SUBSCRIBE?
Private Eye Issue 1632
MORE FROM PRIVATE EYE