No mention, either, of the John Terry fiasco; or of the ham-fisted attempt to stifle reporting of Jonathan Ross’s departure from the BBC (see Eye 1254); or indeed of the sudden and mysterious exit of Simon Smith, one of Schillings’ most senior partners, on new year’s eve. All the firm has said about his resignation was that he “decided to move on to some new challenges” and “is now in Scotland”.

Tiger Woods Naked
Smith’s last job before heading for the hills and glens was to apply for an injunction on behalf of Tiger Woods, banning the publication of “any naked parts of [his] body” in the British media. Although the order was granted by the inevitable Mr Justice Eady, it was a pyrrhic victory which made both Woods and his lawyers look like bullying berks.

Mr Justice Tugendhat’s comments in the Terry case last week are more damaging still. By applying for an order merely against “persons unknown”, he noted, Schillings had avoided having to give newspapers any prior notification of the action. “Notice has not been given to any newspaper when it should have been, and, as a result, I have not had the benefit of arguments in opposition to the application, which might have assisted me to be satisfied of the matters of which I am not satisfied.”

Schillings explained that it hadn’t notified anyone because John Terry was not aware of any newspaper with a “specific interest in the story”. Nonsense, said Tugendhat: the philandering footballer knew perfectly well that News Group Newspapers (NGN), publisher of the News of the Screws, intended to print a story about him. “In my judgment the interest that NGN did show in publishing a story meant that they should have been given notice.”

No hint of this damning rebuke can be found on the Schillings website. Instead, media-gagging celebs are assured that “the firm’s track-record in defamation, privacy and copyright cases is second to none”. Ha bloody ha.

“I’ve never cheated on her”
Even after John Terry’s injunction was lifted, Messrs Schillings were still bombarding editors with threatening letters. These warned that any articles about Terry’s private life would be “unlawful”, regardless of their truth or falsity. But pleading his absolute right to privacy was always going to be a legal dead-end, given how willingly the footballer had previously exploited his own private life.

The most egregious example was a feature in Observer Sport Monthly in 2006. This interview was set up by former royal spin-doctor Mark Bolland, whom Terry’s agent had hired to sweeten his public image because he knew the England captaincy would be vacant after the world cup.

After simpering fondly about his fiancée Toni Poole – “very nice… she’s good for me” – Terry was asked about fidelity. “I’ve never cheated on her or anything like that,” he declared. “I never would. I can look you in the eye and tell you. There’s been stories out there that I’ve cheated on her but I certainly haven’t… I’m a loyal person, that goes with my girlfriend as well as with Chelsea.”

Surprisingly, Terry didn’t immediately injunct himself for invading his own privacy. And his protestations of loyalty and integrity had the desired effect: that August the sea-green incorruptible succeeded David Beckham as captain of England.